I don’t get how nature wired her stuff but, it’s in such
situations that you meet old friends, classmates, relatives etc. You can
imagine the surprises, small talk and all that stuff people do when they unexpectedly
meet you and your family. The most surprised being the classmates who thought
we would be jokers for life – which made sense to some extent. Otherwise we
would all have come from under one roof.
The walk to the supermarket was a long one, with everybody we met
congratulating & blah blah~ing about several other stuff in relation to
this ‘family of mine’. Others went ahead to compare shamelessly, changing focus
from the mother to the child and to me and again to the child and giving a sort
of approval. A congratulatory note followed. It was while we were at the
children section that I started asking myself some tough ones… How it got to
this…
(To be Continued)
“Cera, Meet my friend & colleague Brian” “Brian, Cera”
“Hi, Brian,”
“Nice to meet you” at least I said that first, (Extreme
liking, If you say that before I do… Ops!)
Most of the time, I had to bring up all the courage in me to
just say this statement. That kinda startled me… Usually I do not say that
before the other party. I always find myself conceding the new friendship after
quite a while! I had fallen for this lady. Kevin poked me hard and in full
hearing range of Cera he said…. “She is out of bounds to all soldiers…” Cera
couldn’t help blushing. She was beautiful... Long shiny black hair, nails tick, legs tick, Face, just perfect, Bra content... Mmmm mmm, tick tick tick!!! & everything nice. As per my standards, she was there there... Most of mine would agree...
“Really?” … “Okay Fine, I will keep my safe distance.”
Anybody who couldn’t see that I had fallen for this lady was
obviously too tipsy for their own good or wasn’t paying attention to us.
We got down to some conversation & I acted her waiter
(Everything to please her) what I loser, I thought to myself. We talked for the
rest of the evening which happened to be moving in slow motion. Or was it just
me? I was enjoying every moment of it. By the end of the evening, we were more
than just friends. I could feel it. I called a cab and got her to the gate of
the apartments where she lived. I couldn’t go further inside since there were
tough restrictions in place to strangers after certain hours. I would have
convinced the gatekeeper, but I didn’t wanna make this a short term thing. I
gave her a hug which she returned in kind and that confirmed my suspicions that
she had also liked me. I went back to Kevin’s place where we continued drinking
the best of liquor (Happened Rarely) & catching up… I went straight to the
point, considering I was less drunk than everybody else in the room and shot my
question to Kev who did not seem in any way surprised. I asked him why he had
said that Cera was out of bounds to our brand. He did not have a ready answer,
I guessed he was too excited about the evening, and had enough to drink that he
did not care anymore… or it was one of those weird & unthought-of things we
blurt when tipsy. He never mentioned it again, ever.
We continued hooking up with Cera and after a period short
of a year with like a month and a half, I asserted my Love for her. It was too
evident that it radiated like the sun on a summer afternoon, but you know
sometimes, or rather most of the time… Love has to be audibly declared for it
to be really acknowledged… It was the best feeling ever. The ki~Bubble thing… The
relationship cruised quite well for a while. So perfect was it that I was even
getting apprehensive. Last I had checked, relationships weren’t supposed to be
that smooth.
Nowadays ‘good’ people are rare to find. Good people to
marry are even harder to find, I started my “initial approach” on this issue
and to my very amazement, I realized that she had also been thinking of the
same. A future that is, Pssssttt!!!! My generation of ladies cannot think of
proposing, Scary enough I was wondering how fast these years have passed! “I am
marrying already?” I just couldn’t believe it. My friend Kevin was even bored
of us. He did not care that I went against our agreement (His) about not
getting involved with Cera… actually he was happy for us. Very funny!!! He was
single himself.
Things started getting sour after my job started moving me
from one station to another. This was an issue we had been ignoring for quite a
while; we used to convince ourselves that everything was sailing smoothly
enough, and that our love for each other was strong enough to bind us through
the distance. It wasn’t to last forever anyway, I would be coming back. Life
went on pretty well, at least as I thought. But on Cera’s end, things were
different. She had resigned even before we started this part of our emotional
flight. She couldn’t handle the thought of me being away from her for long
spells. Or so she thought. Love started getting depleted. When the inner soul
ceases to try to keep the fire burning, the feelings run out pretty fast. The
first month was okay, second was weird and by the third, she had gathered up
enough courage to tell me that what she felt for me was not there anymore, and
that she couldn’t go on with the relationship. Oh!!! That was devastating
enough. I couldn’t hide my disappointment and hurt. Life had to go on.
The intensity of the heartbreak was beyond measure, that
period of my life is marked in bold, and astrologically positioned as well, it
is the worst phase of my life, thus far. I couldn’t eradicate the weird mix of emotions
that had decided to use my face as a fully loaded cinema screen, but I needed to,
and really fought it off. I carried on my duties as usual. When it was too
much, I asked for a week’s short leave to go relax a bit. For a moment all the
struggle that was for the sake of a happy family had ceased making sense. I
couldn’t let my immediate superiors to know I was in some sort of emotional
turmoil, lest they suspend me from flying for a period. If that went as well, I
would be as good as dead.
Not only was Cera not in love with me anymore, but she was
“convinced” she was in love with someone else. You see… this confirmed to me
that, the relationship was working; it’s only that she did not want to play her
equal role. What I have never understood was why and how one could let feelings
for someone else develop while harboring someone else’s feelings. I saw it
coming but I couldn’t do anything you know… Mentioning it or even the hint of
such would always bring up unnecessary debates. I let her go anyway, and I
quickly worked or tried to work up a moving on scheme, which was pitiable at
first, but as providence would have it, work became tougher and I got carried
away.
Everything was fine until she called one day and told me
that she was expecting a child.
“What does that have to do with me?” I asked “Why not tell
your boyfriend that? I ceased to matter right?”
“Because it is not
his &…”
“So?”
“Its yours,…”
“Ha haaa! Sloppy woman!”
“Ouch Brian!!!”
“Is this your way of
telling me everything is not going right that end? Or you are just playing with
my mind?”
“I swear this baby is yours!”
“Watch your mouth lady… Don’t shout at me now, How did that
happen? Wi~Fi? Tell me…”
I had already made my calculations and I was partly smiling,
but I had to be stern enough. There was a probability that the child she
carried was mine. I did not want to make it easy for her because, even the way
she started the exchange; there was an element of discomfort aimed at me. Two
could play that game.
“I haven’t had unprotected with him yet & you are the
only one I got intimate with…”
“Big time trust issues Huh?” “You are sure about that?”
“Yes I am…”
“So where do I come in?”
“You tell me…”
“Ha haaaa!!! Me now? Okay, all expenses within the course of
your pregnancy, I will cater for, when the child is born, you take care of her
until she is old enough to walk, same case, expenses on me. Then from there I
will take custody of the child.”
“But…”
“No Buts.” “Or Else, go tell & try to explain to your
boyfriend that you have my child and I am not going to be taking care of a
mother who broke my heart & still has no feelings for me. So you two being
the “ideal” family, you will tell that child you are the parents. Otherwise,
there is nothing else to discuss”
“You are unfair Brian…”
“I am not unfair, you should have thought twice before
breaking my heart in the cheapest of ways… & running to the very first man
you felt applicable.”
“I’m Sorry…”
“I said long time ago that I never receive heartbreak
apologies! You are not as special. So my deal or you walk.” “I need to get back
to work; I have a pre-flight briefing in a few minutes…”
“But please baby, think… about it…”
“Oh Please! Cut the drama. Give that baby stuff to your
boyfriend. Have a nice day.”
Sh**!!! I was cursing my all… I had just started the first
of the very worst scenarios I always asked God to help me avoid. A child who
would not share the love of both parents. That was irrevocable. It was too
late. As much as I pretended, the term “Baby” sent spinning way faster that the
jet does on full afterburn. Melting I tell you! But now the heartbreak was way
too much for me to recall the love we once had.
I was perplexed to such an extent that when I entered the
briefing room, the question that was shot at me caught me off guard!
“Are you okay Captain?”
“Morning Sir! (The toughest & most authentic salute ever)
I am alright all is well! Just psyched up for this mission!”
They all swallowed it & I couldn’t wait to get into my
jet and get it over with. Then the stupid thoughts started flowing, I.e., how I
would have loved to sneak a picture of my family at the cockpits dash, and be
seeing em as I do my thing. “Go away!!!” Bad thoughts… I almost messed up at
takeoff, when I underestimated the crosswind and almost got swept off the
runway. Laikipia could get windy at times, especially being on the lee ward side
of Mt. Kenya. The static of the intercom brought me to my senses and I swear a
few drops of something were released somewhere! Damn! I thought I had emptied
my bladder!!!
“Are you okay Lima01?” (Control tower had noticed that
moment of tension)
Two 500lbs JDAMS, 8 Sidewinders, 400 rounds of 20mm ammo and
a 370 gal fuel tank would be a nuclear explosion if I had let myself enjoy the
ecstasy of messing up on that runway. I would be greeting Angel Gabriel, before
the fire truck driver realizes what had happened…
“Am good Control! It’s a nice day for a (Baby, Baby) flight
don’t you think?”
“Sure Captain… Go do what you do best…”
“I will. Thank You.” (Baby, Baby)
I had to get those thoughts off my mind and fast!
The mission was a success mostly because I was angry at
everything around me. Hit all my targets & for once I returned to base with
an almost full fuel tank. I had only consumed the external fuel pod’s content. Emotions
can be good & bad if mismanaged!!! I landed and logged in my hours and left
the hangers. I expected at least a missed call or a text from Cera telling me
she was lying and just wanted to test my feelings for her. I was tempted to
call her and tell her to meet me and tell me what she was trying to, straight
in my face. I did not call. I rushed to my house and sprawled myself on my
thought couch…
This was a tough one… The first thought that came to me…
“I
wish Love never existed!!!”
(Baby,Baby, Baby)...
(To be continued)...
Hi. Same Old Drama, Different Day. This blog is about me and others, nature, life, blah blah and why everything I like is great even the hurting - still great. If you disagree with anything you find on this page, Well. . . You are probably right..
Just checking back for any new posts you may have written.
ReplyDeleteI’ve been a follower on your blog for a while now and would like to invite you to visit and perhaps follow me back. Sorry I took so long for the invitation.
Hi, thanks.
ReplyDeleteI am back now.
Will be following soon.