The
year is not getting any younger and I am yet to make up my mind about
my life. The writing aspect of my life is one side of which has suffered the greatest
blow. My little ghosts, Procrastination, mismanagement of priorities and a tendency
to overlook the little things. I do not know what gave me the notion that I can
write for money… Let me be specific. I do not know what gave me the notion that
I could replace the gratification that I derived from writing random stuff with
monetary benefits… For two months I had been contemplating closing this blog
down and starting up another one to earn a few coins in the line of clicks/
traffic and that other entire web marketing jargon. I realized that was not my
thing… life was better when I came home to transfer the little pointers I had
on all sorts of paper, tissue included onto my rickety laptop and posting them
online. It was a point of release and I intended to trade it for money. It
never worked because I was too lazy and I bet money was not such a good incentive
as it seemed after all.
Long
story short, I was wrong. In my own rights, I was born to vent via writing,
especially when a good swim has been a long time coming. Talking of swimming,
it has been months since the last good swim, not counting the one a few weeks
ago where I was giving some intro lessons to my sisters. Anyway, as time
progressed the valve that had locked in the stresses of my life were starting
to bulk to the pressure of the crap inside. This tension is bad. This is to the
extent that I could not succeed in the little things that are supposed to work in
my favor. I could not hold a normal conversation, I could not do my normal laps
at the pool, I cannot win an NFS race until I try over 5 times, cannot even
complete a simple mission in a strategy game! I am losing myself to myself.
Weird I know…
Wake
up call comes in when a stranger (Seaman from the Kenya Navy) asks me, “are you
the one whose face I saw in the magazine?” I said yes I am the one. The he goes
on and on about how; he could not imagine me being that eerrr, idle. I know “idle”
in our circles also has a hidden meaning but still it did not mean well. I did
not take it heavily, but it got me thinking, “What have I really become?” I
even ceased contributing to an online Aviation magazine with which I had started
building a reputation to myself (Not the public – the inner me). I was writing
out of passion and not for any monetary or any other gain.
It
was after a frustrating day (All factors considered, I may want to blame
January, but it’s not January’s fault… It is all about me) that I decided to
end my own dirt and gather up the pieces of the wreck I have become and work on
being the “Me” I am supposed to be. I start my year today. Even if I do not
have a 2014 diary to this point, I will sleep having reviewed my 2013 and having
set goals for my 2014. Top on that list will be organization and consistency in
everything, I lay my hands on. I also intend to write out everything my mind
has been harboring good or bad.
My 2014 begins.
Hi. Same Old Drama, Different Day. This blog is about me and others, nature, life, blah blah and why everything I like is great even the hurting - still great. If you disagree with anything you find on this page, Well. . . You are probably right..
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