This
is a napkin boat I am surprised is still in my custody. We all know paper boats
and the fun involved in making them early in our art days. I would call it a
paper boat, but this was a napkin boat. The material involved that is…
Once
upon a time, I met a beautiful lady. I feel like that does not sound right… I meet
beautiful ladies all the time. However, this one was different. I met her
before I became a jarhead and it was love at first sight. She was the kind that
you would not want to mess up any future prospects in case the tides turn into
something major and awesome. Fast forward to my first year in uniform and I
arranged a meeting to catch up. I had my first date. At the time, I was still
working on my esteem issues. It was so pathetic that not even military training
could get that out. We met at a café called CCS in Kerugoya. If you have not
been to Kerugoya,and maybe you want to recreate that scenario, the café is
opposite the Cooperative Bank of Kenya.
That is to the side.
We
had met up for Tea. I had coffee. But it does not matter – coffee or tea, the
point is we sat down in a café and had something. The lady was beautiful as the
last time I had checked and a little grown. It was a few years after I met her
remember. I was also a little bit taller and shoulders a bit pronounced.
Carrying logs and 100-pound bags at my days in Eldoret had its repercussions
not forgetting a chest to die for. Ahem! You see I am still trying to raise my
esteem… However, the lady was still too beautiful for me to handle and cannot
rate my performance on this date at greater than 50% for this one. I would want
to blame my naivety et al., but this is not about naivety. It’s about a paper
boat.
Before
we get to the boat. Dates in Nairobi are a big deal. Last, I checked that is. I
remember a friend advising me what to wear almost 14 years ago on a date with a
high school crush. Weee!!! It was Greek to me. Story for another day though. I
was posted around Eastleigh that year and we all know Eastleigh is the island
of clad. That is smart and presentable outfit. On this day, I had a pair of grey
trousers a pink shirt and a grey windbreaker. Wait, the shirt was white with
pink stripes. I also had some brown shoes with a very long nose. It was not a
sharp shooter as such, but it was long there… suede for that matter. Having worn
it for a while in the Kerugoya terrain had given it this curve at the extra bit
where my foot could not reach - Aladdin Style. You know how most of the Eastleigh trousers are…
(As compared to the Slim fits/ Italian make-dos on Kirinyaga Road) For some
reason they never crease. But the single main crease lines running at the front
and back are ever there no matter how many times you wash them and fold them
for packing in your box. The waist was fine and fitting but for some reason
(This I noted later in life), the legs always seemed too wide and it was not “smart
enough”. Un-proportionally wide that is. That is how I turned up for my date. I
was “Veeery Smart”! Declare by Shirley May was my scent of choice back
then. I was dressed to kill eeehh. The kind that left my mother wondering why I
had decided to return to Nairobi without notice. Back then, I only used to wear
exceptionally well when returning to the City. Nowadays I can even come to
Nairobi with gumboots.
Our
ancestors indicated that they used to draw patterns on the ground when shyness
struck. I think I read that somewhere - or someone lied to me. In addition, teachers earlier in life
supported the same theory when the science lessons got to the part about physical
changes, emotional awareness etc. They said girls could draw things on the
ground or pretend to do so with their legs. (Kupoteza Poteza) I cannot remember that of the girls we had in
primary school - They were unusually bold. Plus being tiny intimidates no one. Actually I don’t think I have ever seen the footwork. Other
things but the footwork. Maybe because I was always staring into the horizon. In
the sitting position, you cannot draw. So if there is a way to dilute shyness
and panic at a date, it should be with the hands or something else. I know
people who almost empty the entire sugar dish into the cup, while others stir the
contents endlessly. I found another weird way to dilute this tension between
us. I could not think of anything else. At least nowadays people have phones,
Oil on Canvas Paintings and Screens in cafes to stare at when the going gets
tough and cold.
Perceptibly,
she was not interested in my boring boot camp stories. She did not seem
interested to know how awesome military aircraft are, or my newly acquired
single room in Kariobangi south. Every time I looked at her, she was staring at
me with her beautiful white eyes. An unspoken look that said “I need something
more!!! Try harder boy! Try harder!!!”. At some point, I discussed books and
she happened to love novels as well. At least we had something in common. I
would later empty an entire bookshelf for her at our home library. Not on that
day though. I think she is the one with the most of my novels to this day. Back
then, I never had a one-for-one rule.
I trusted people too much back then and lost many good books along the way. While
my hands were moving around the table, I found some napkins on the nice basket
thingy they place them.
Halfway
through my cup, I knew this was a failed mission to Saturn and I could forget
its beautiful rings. But who was I to give up? Luckily, her etiquette was top
notch and no matter how boring or complex I was, she stuck through it all. At some
point, it occurred to me that this would be the last date or the last moments. I
had no idea how I would make it epic. We had the whole restaurant to ourselves
for some reason. Hotels and restaurants are for lunch on normal days. Unless in June and July when coffee dates come in handy. Therefore, I was not worried about an embarrassing walkout. So
for the purposes of future memories, I decided to split a napkin into two
and made two boats out of them. I cannot remember the commentary of my own
version of Viasat Explore’s “How
it’s Made” – Napkin Boat Edition.
I
made a napkin boat for this lady. If you think making paper boats was easy,
try making one with napkins. All the time, her eyes were on my hands. I was
struggling with this because at the time, my fingers were fat and rough. Any
wrong move and I would display how clumsy I am with brittle things. I don’t even
know why I never told her that if I could build a napkin boat, I could build
her a house. ‘I am slapping myself now’. The conversation was not exciting for her. From what it seemed.
She uttered a few words but they could not sustain a conversation for long. I
think I was doing it all wrong. At least I made us two boats. The good thing is
her beautiful face and never ceasing smile was shinning from the artwork being worked by my fat clumsy, sweaty fingers. With napkins, and damp finger tips you cannot be perfect enough. It’s all clumsy. Being
observed motivated me somehow.
After
I was done, I gave one of the boats to her and made a stupid joke about how she
would remember me with that in case I never came back. I promised I would keep its sister. You know those goodbye lines
from movies. However, this hit a wall like radiation on lead.
That
is how I happened to have this Napkin boat in my journal. The date ended. I was
excited that at last I had the chance to go on “a date” with a lady or let’s say
I had the chance to take a girl out. It was not much, but eeeerrr, it counted. After
that encounter, I took her home. In a cab. Again, I think the only lady I ever
paid cab for. I don’t like cabs because its somehow feels like a rip off. Yes I am stingy like that. I am
a matatu & foot person, yes even at 4 am. It was still daytime in this case
and it was only Ksh 100/-. Yes, that was Kerugoya for you. My fare from Nairobi
to my house in Eastlands = Cab fare in Kerugoya. Good life huh?
Almost
a year later, I would invite her for a date closer to the city at a certain Bonjour in a location I will not
disclose. This time I was fired up and well confident with myself. I was running
high in the spirit of the Magic of
Thinking Big. I had a presentation at hand. When we sat down, I was like ‘Wait,
Today I have something awesome to show you!” I pulled my laptop from my bag and
powered it up. Placed it in front of our table and opened a PowerPoint presentation.
If I disclose its contents here, you will never look at me the same way again.
Her savior was the lady with the chicken and fries that came through because I
had to shut it down.
Based on a True Story.
…
Fast forward to 2016. The lady is
married and a mother of two. The gentleman is still making a clown of himself
on dates.
Fin.
Hi. Same Old Drama, Different Day. This blog is about me and others, nature, life, blah blah and why everything I like is great even the hurting - still great. If you disagree with anything you find on this page, Well. . . You are probably right..
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